The Double Empathy Problem

What If the Problem Isn’t a Lack of Empathy? Understanding the Double Empathy Problem

For years, autistic children have been described as having “social deficits” or “lacking empathy.” But what if that story is missing something big?

Enter the Double Empathy Problem—a concept that challenges how we think about communication between autistic and non-autistic people. Instead of seeing one child as struggling, it invites us to consider something more mutual: that miscommunication happens between people who experience the world in different ways.

In other words, it’s not that autistic children can’t connect—it’s that connection breaks down when there’s a mismatch in understanding on both sides.

Coined by Dr. Damian Milton (2012), the Double Empathy Problem suggests that when neurodivergent and neurotypical people interact, both may struggle to fully “get” each other—but that doesn’t mean either is broken. It just means they speak different social languages.

So what does this mean for our kids?

It means autistic children don’t need to be “fixed” to fit in socially. They need to be understood. And equally important? So do their peers.

We often focus on helping autistic kids learn social skills—but rarely talk about teaching neurotypical kids how to recognize, respect, and relate to neurodivergent communication.

When we teach all children to take different perspectives, we create space for real connection. Not through scripts or forced interactions—but through mutual understanding, flexibility, and curiosity.

How can this show up in practice?

• Helping kids understand that some friends show they care through actions, not words

• Teaching that eye contact or “small talk” aren’t universal signs of engagement

• Encouraging kids to ask, “What does this person need to feel safe or included?”

• Supporting flexible thinking and respect for differences—early and often

At Hana Speech Therapy, we believe social support should never be about molding kids into someone they’re not. It should be about building bridges of understanding—in both directions.

Citations:

Milton, D. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the 'double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887.
DeBrabander, K. M., & Miguel, C. F. (2022). The double empathy problem: A review and call for research. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 52(4), 1735–1748.